Pros and cons of being a mother

As I approach the double digit marker as a mother (ten months), I have been thinking about what I have loved, and what has not rubbed me the right way. Of course, everyone knows that the pros outweigh the cons (that what you have to say, isn't it?)....

Pros:

• In the beginning, my breasts could compete with any porn star's double d assets. My hubby nicknamed them 'Tit'anic and the Hinden'boob.'
  
• I am more comfortable than ever with carrying around a bit of extra weight. It doesn't really bother me. I like it when my darling daughter uses my spare tire as a pull toy.
  
• I am forced to be nicer to people. I'm usually quite crusty when I go out and about, but it's impossible to scowl with a baby in tow. People won't let me. They start oohing and cooing at my daughter, and then she starts smiling back. Then damn it, I just have to smile too.
  
• The wardrobe is FANTASTIC! Who knew shopping could be so much fun? All of the cute accessories, fabrics, and shoes! I love it so much it makes me want to puke! Of course, it's not MY wardrobe that is amazing, it's my daughter's clothes that look like they could be on the cover of Today's Parent. My clothes are functional (I need shirts that are hassle free and enable me to whip out my boob in 2.5 seconds). Who knew clothes could be described that way?
• I can talk about poop with people I've just met, and it is considered acceptable. 'Oh, you're son's puke dripped down into your bra? Well, my daughter had a really good morning when she was six weeks old, and her poop filled my belly button! Then it dripped down my legs! It even seeped between my toes and the dog tried to lick it up!' Veterans of motherhood trade bodily function stories like war-stories.
• I love being idolized. Everyday I am the winner of 'Mommy Idol.' At least in our house. I wonder when Em will stop voting for me?
  
• Just like at McDonald's, smiles are free!

Cons:

• Whereas my breasts used to be bountiful, after months of breastfeeding, I could easily sit side by side with some of the women who have been featured in National Geographic. You know the ones I'm talking about. Gravity is a bitch.
• Whoever said that stretch marks fade was lying through their teeth. They are still a nice deep purple, especially when I'm cold. I'm ALWAYS cold so they are ALWAYS there.
• 'Mommy brain.' If you're a mom, surely you've experienced this wonderful phenomenon. Fogginess, confusion, inability to focus - especially when you're child is screaming... If you're experiencing these symptoms, don't worry, you're not having a stroke. You just pushed out a gagillion brain cells in addition to a baby during labour. That's my theory anyway.
• Attack of the guilt trips. They come from every direction and are often unexpected. Just the other day I was told by an 'authority figure', that giving my daughter a soother and a sippy cup would cause her to develop a lisp, because her tongue muscles wouldn't develop properly. Wonderful. This led me to ask (as I felt defensive and needed to try and deflect the guilt that was creeping in), 'so, according to that theory, shouldn't every child who uses a bottle and breastfeeds also develop a lisp? Really, aren't we all screwed?' (okay, I didn't say the last part but I did ask the question. I'm still trying to be 'nice' after all.)
  
• Lack of privacy. Going to the bathroom with a baby sitting on your lap leaves MUCH to be desired.
• Temper tantrums. 'nuff said.

As time goes on, I'm sure the pros and cons will change with all of the big milestones in Em's life. Terrible two's, pre-school, school, first date.... GAK. Must stop now. Life is flashing before my eyes...