35 MORE DAYS??? That can't be right...

If you write it, it will happen...

Stretch marks are like a disease. I complained last week that they were everywhere BUT on my belly. Well, guess what? They've spread... They have crept up the underside of my belly and are starting to make it look like I'm a cracked egg. The horror. My hopes and dreams of one day becoming a swimsuit model are shot. What? Stop laughing. Maybe I really did want to do that one day....

Another very icky, undesirable, symptom of pregnancy occurred this week. Skip to the next paragraph if you are at all queasy. I was sleeping peacefully (well, not really peacefully what with the hip and back pain, but I was somewhat asleep...), when I guess I burped. I only know that I did this because the burp was followed by a mouthful of puke, which went UP MY NOSE and woke me up. Quite possibly the most disgusting way to wake up, EVER. It burned. A lot. I gagged. A lot. Heartburn at its finest.

Dizzy spells have also been knocking on my door with fair regularity this week. I think I'm probably not drinking enough water, but if I drink more water, I have to go to the bathroom more, and I can't leave my students alone... It's a bit of a conundrum. It has made for a very long week at school. Especially when I have to pick my students up from gym class at the other end of the school, and I'm supposed to model for them how to walk in a straight line back to class. Yeah, try doing that while your head is spinning...

I now have a week off to recuperate and rest from my little demons, um, I mean sweethearts, at my school. It is Spring Break next week, yet there is a Winter Storm Watch in effect. Go figure. It also isn't really much of a break for me. I work at my crummy desk job from today until next Friday. But then I'm done! Well, my crummy desk job anyway. And then I'm poor and waiting for a different government department to hand me money...

Next week the hubby and I will be starting our birthing class. I'm excited for it, but I'm not sure that he is. I am wanting a holistic birth as much as possible (as in no medicinal intervention what-so-ever), so I signed us up for the "Birthing From Within" approach to labour and delivery. There is rumour that we will be asked to draw/sketch/paint some form of birth art, which has my hubby a bit weirded out. Oh well. It will be good for him! The whole birth process will be something extremely different for both of us, so we might as well get used to it now! There will be five other couples in the class, and our doula will be attending as well.

Two of my friends who were expecting babies a few weeks before me have already delivered! Not a good trend! With my one friend it was to be expected because she was carrying twins. However, my other friend delivered FIVE WEEKS early. In other words, where I'm at right now! She told me to pack a bag today. In all honesty, I've been trying to, but I only have two pairs of sweats that fit, no Pj's that fit, and a fairly limited supply of underwear that still fit. How do I put clothes away for five weeks when I need them? Hubby dear, looks like I need to go shopping! (tee hee)

And as I type, guess who has the hiccups, yet again? (I wonder if she'll be cursed with them everyday after she's born?)

Week 34, and all of a sudden six weeks to go sounds like 'too soon!'

Here a stretch mark, there a stretch mark, everywhere a stretch mark.. Oh McStretch-marks....
If the skin on a human body is such a pliable, stretchy organ (so says all of my preggie books) , why does it not stretch more like silly putty? Instead, when it is stretched beyond its limits, it rather looks like someone took a pointy hot metal rod and doodled on it... And WHY did the preggie books NOT tell me that I would get copious stretch marks everywhere, but hardly any on my belly? (which is the ONE place I was led to believe they would develop). Nope, nope, that would be too 'normal' and normal isn't a word that is usually associated with me (try 'contrary' 'weird' 'loopy' or 'silly' - those are apparently more apt descriptions). So my hubby likes to tell me. I, the abnormal one, have developed stretch marks on my back, my *cough* chest, my thighs, my butt, and of all places - the back of my knees. I have a total of two itsy-bitsy stretch marks on my belly that I can't see but I've been told are there. All of these marks on my body in addition to the mini-volcanoes erupting on my face, and I'm ready to trade my skin in for a more youthful model...

Aside from the stretch marks, there is nothing else really new to report. Did I mention already that the little one is prone to hiccups? Her record is four bouts of hiccups in one day! It's kind of annoying, but I can't be too angry about it. It lets me know she is alive and thriving. Although, it's kind of like when you have a muscle twitch in your eye that won't stop and it drives you insane... She is getting bigger and the size of her hips and head are starting to alarm me a bit. (I know the mechanics, but are you sure she is going to be able to come out there? Seriously - she's not even born yet and she already has my hips...)

On a heavier note, worrying has taken on a whole new level of meaning now that we are going to be parents in a few short weeks. We watched an awful movie the other night about children being abducted (Gone Baby Gone - don't watch it..), and all I kept thinking was 'how am I going to keep our little one safe after she is born?' Right now, I know where she is at all times - she is kicking up a storm in my belly. But what about in six weeks? I'm never going to want to let her out of my sight! There are just so many things that can go wrong, it's overwhelming to think about. Not only does it seem like there are threats to her safety everywhere I look, but there are also numerous things within our society that can negatively influence her. What do I mean? Just read the headlines in the newspaper, or listen to conversations on the street. Can I protect her from any of that? If not, how can I teach her to decipher from what is good and bad? Is it even that simple? In the classroom, I see how the media and society influences my students, and it's not always in a positive way. From the first grade student who sings 'bow chicka wow wow' as he passes by the busty educational assistant, to the second grade student who informs another student that Filipinos are not allowed at his house.... What it really comes down to is, will my hubby and I be able to teach our daughter how to be an intelligent, respectful, open-minded and good-natured person? Essentially, that's what every parent hopes for, isn't it? If not, WHY NOT?

Week 33 begins. Forty-nine (!!!) more days to go...

I survived this week. Barely. Let me reiterate that teaching while being pregnant....well, it's pure hell. There is no other way to put it! Okay, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, but it was a fairly stressful and painful week. Let me try to describe it for you:

Standing for roughly six hours a day, while the little one punches/kicks at my bladder, my ribs, my diaphragm...

Listening to other people's children whine about 'so and so PUSHED me!' 'so and so is LOOKING at me' 'I don't WANT to do my work'. The whole time I'm thinking, 'OH. MY. GOD. What have I done? Will this be MY child one day?'

Having my supervising teacher say to me: "Oh, you work on the weekends too? That doesn't give you much time to plan lessons. But, you said you're not sleeping, so that gives you A LOT of extra time to plan lessons...." Right, because I'm so alert and able to think clearly while I stare at the ceiling at 4:00am.

I was also delusional enough to believe that I'd have free time once my university classes ended. HA! My, was I naive! I have been more busy this past week, than most weeks during my time at the university. Every night I've spent a few hours planning lessons, in addition to the time I've spent at the elementary school. Still no time to stop and think about what life will really be like in about seven weeks. No time to actually ENJOY being pregnant. (although really, does anyone actually enjoy looking like Shamu, and belching every time they sit up? What on earth is beautiful about that? Whoever said that pregnancy is a beautiful time in a woman's life, well, they had obviously NEVER been pregnant.)

Goodness. I sound really, um, bitchy? Oh well. It'll all be better in seven weeks, right? Sigh. I can hear everyone laughing as they read that last line.

Cranky/psycho woman aside, there were some highlights to this week:

Highlight #1: My little one has been dancing up a storm in my belly. (okay, I know she isn't actually IN my belly, but it sounds better than saying 'in my uterus'. That just sounds too clinical. It's like my husband's aversion to certain clinical words that describe parts of the human anatomy...hehehe...) I wonder if the commotion and noisiness of my students is what has kept her on the move. My students can get pretty noisy - it's kind of hard for a wee little munchkin to sleep through that. It's actually kind of hard to teach through it too... It's a bizarre circle really. Student noise = baby kicks = distracted mom = distracted teacher = increase in student noise... That said, keep on moving little one! It let's me know you're okay.

Highlight #2: My hubby and I met with an angel in disguise this week. She is our doula and I am SOOO happy that she offered to help us through such a new, exciting, and unknown time. Both the hubby and I can be a bit, uh, hot-tempered (don't laugh when I write 'a bit'!), and it is so comforting to know that in the midst of potential confusion, there will be a calm voice of reason guiding and helping us. EVERYONE should consider having a doula. Brownie points also go out to her for bringing me pastries this week....

Highlight #3: The following comments came from two of my students:
1) Said while hugging my belly and looking up at me "You're the bestest teacher ever!"

2) Said from a really hyper fast-talking seven year old "Can you write down today's experiment!? I want to teach my brother! I like teaching! I want to be a teacher like you!"
We had been experimenting with how liquids and powders mix once combined. If you want to see a classroom of students get super excited about what they are doing, then combine syrup and baking powder in a cup. Making a mess = fun.

Seven more weeks of being pregnant and five more weeks in my teaching practicum....
I may need to reconsider the whole 'praying to a higher power' deal....

32 weeks, 8 months large, and 55 days until I'm due.

I've decided that my little bundle of joy currently residing under my ribs has developed a personality already. She (yes she - not a shy one during the ultrasound - legs wide open for all the world to see her in all of her, um, glory), is already like her mom (NOT the legs wide open part). By this I mean that she is a little contrary monkey. She will be kicking up a storm in my belly and I'll call her daddy over to feel all of the commotion, and she...just...stops...moving. Why does she do this? She's making a liar out of me already.

I also try to make little deals with her. I mean really, what's wrong with trying to rationalize with a baby who hasn't even been born yet? Ahh....high standards for her already. She's doomed. But seriously, the conversation with her through my belly goes like this: "okay little one. Mommy has an exam to write today. Please just sleep through it okay? Because when you're moving around in my belly, I can't concentrate. I can't think. I can't focus. All I can think is, 'awww, my baby is moving.' Sweet pea, this is not conducive to passing my exam. So, I need you to stay as still as possible, okay? " These aren't unreasonable things to ask an unborn child, are they? Well, my efforts at negotiation didn't work anyway. I had to endure my little one suffering through baby hiccups for the first fifteen minutes of my exam. Try writing about "socio-economic gradients" in schools when your belly is bouncing every two seconds. And your bladder is full. Sigh.

All that said, we are having fun together already. At least, I think we are. I told my hubby yesterday that we were 'playing'. To which he got that funny look on his face like he thought he may need to commit me sooner than he thought he would.... But seriously. I poked my belly. She poked back. We did this for a few minutes. I believe I was poking her elbow. Come to think of it - maybe we weren't playing. Maybe I was just annoying the crap out of her.

This past week I had an appointment with an obstetrician. Not MY obstetrician, but one of the other members of the OB team. It was the first time I was going to meet him (the part that he is a male was not sitting well with me). I get to the office and I'm told that he has a med student with him, and do I mind? What can I really say to that? I'm a student myself - it would be hypocritical to deny another student a learning opportunity, wouldn't it? Well...it was a bit of a comedy of errors. This little bit med student walks into the exam room and asks the usual questions. But instead of asking me how far along I am she looks at the 'roto-wheel' that tells the doctor how far along a woman is based on her last period. It appears as though she is having trouble figuring it out, so I tell her that I'm due on May 3rd, and that I'm just about 32 weeks along (two days shy at this point). She continues to stare at the wheel and then tells me I'm only 31 weeks. My comment about being 'just about' 32 weeks went over her head. Good listening skills doc. I'm then asked to get up on the exam table where she attempts to find my blood pressure. It took FOREVER. My hand was going numb because the cuff was too tight on my arm. Then comes the fun part of lying down so she can find the baby's heart beat with the doppler machine. Before try doing that though, she starts pushing and poking at my belly. This is the first time that anyone has done this during an exam, so I look at my hubby, eyebrow cocked, as if to say "WTF?" She does this without telling me what she is doing. My guess is that she is trying to figure out how the baby is lying, but I decide to wait until after hearing the heartbeat to ask what the point of all the poking was. She gets the doppler machine, and I wait, and wait, and wait. I know that our little one is fine because she's kicking up a storm at this point (I think all the poking pissed her off too), but the med student still can't find the heartbeat. FINALLY she finds it, then measures my belly, and FINALLY she is done. Longest prenatal exam ever. I ask the little bit med student how the baby is laying, and she says 'head down'. I respond with 'are you sure?', as I was pretty sure the baby is lying across my belly, not head down. FINALLY the 'real' OB came back in and had to REDO everything the med student had done. I guess he was ensuring that all of her measurements, etc were correct. Well....NONE of them were. She had measured my heart rate too high, my fundal height too low, and she was WAY off on how the baby was lying. Just for the record, mom does know best and I was 100% correct about the baby's position. Her head is on my left side, her bottom is under my right rib, and she is facing inwards. (Note to baby: feel free to turn ANY TIME NOW. I can't birth you back first) Needless to say, all attempts will be made to ban med students from the delivery room. I can just see it now. Med student: "the baby's heartbeat is up! Fetal distress! Cesarean section, NOW!" Actual doctor: "The baby just has hiccups."

Tomorrow I begin the second block of my teaching practicum. I should be looking forward to it, but I am DREADING it. I will be in my practicum until a week before I am due, and I think this will be the biggest test of my patience and energy level. My biggest fear is that I will deliver early, or that my water will break in the classroom. I know that the odds of that are slim to none, but there is still a chance it could happen. If it does, in an effort to not panic my students, I have decided to tell them that I peed myself. Really. It is the easiest option! There are a few students in the class who have accidents every now and then, so I figure I can say "see, Mrs. P ('P' haha) has accidents too!" The alternative is that the students will ask a million questions that I'm not quite prepared to answer. (A few of the questions already asked: "How is the baby coming out?", "You have to be 20 to have a baby, right?", "Why is there a baby in your belly?") So, right, not prepared to discuss going into labour with children who are 6 and 7. Well, we'll see how this week goes. Hopefully I survive it (cross your fingers!) and can write all about the trials and tribulations of the first week....